“LOANED LOVER” ON THE HIKE

Just an observation I have made more than half the population of women find themselves tangled in a web of “lovers-on-loan” and this is increasingly becoming a norm in the society. Marriages and courtships have blatantly lost their true essence due to the apparent thrill of a fast-paced and deceptive lifestyle the modern world offers. Faithfulness has become a thing of the past and the value placed upon a family has been eroded.

You can call her names: other woman, the homewrecker, the mistress, the “thought”; I refer to her as the side-chick. You’ve seen her, dealt with her, dated her, hell, you’ve probably been her once or twice before. The side-chick is a complex individual whom no one ever takes a moment to understand. Most of us usually just write her off as “thirsty” or “pathetic.” The side-chick is not just the second option; she’s also a human being.

We live in a society where men having a side chick / mistress happens way too much. To some men having a woman without a side chick is like having a meal without a drink. Not good in my personal opinion, but there are plenty of women who go along with this dynamic. Sometimes it’s the part they choose to play and other times it is given to them and they try to deal with it. So why is that particular woman finding herself as just his side chick and not the main woman in his life? Well let’s take a look at some reasons why she may choose or be chosen for this role.

Soap operas have long glamorized the side chicks of powerful white men, making her seem more exciting, loving and desirable than the wives at home, who were equally beautiful but played out.  It seemed that as long as a man could “afford” two women (and upper-class men were generally white men), it was his prerogative, and not worthy of attention or appraisal.While the so-called side chick phenomenon is nothing new, the language/slang repackages infidelity as something black folk invented, therefore making it more tawdry and scandalous.  White women who have affairs with married men are called mistresses.  Women of color who have sex with men in relationships are called side chicks.

But despite all these phenomenons ladies tend to justify why they would opt to be second best to wives or go in between in long term relationships.

Side Chick Benefits

Let’s face it, some guys give a great benefits package to their mistress. Lavish gifts, bills paid, and all the two minute sex session she could dream of. For many women this is worth the trade-off of not being the main girl. We can discuss whether this is right or wrong but I’m not getting in to that today. The benefits that the woman will receive including having more flexibility on when she does and does not want to deal with this man makes this arrangement work in her mind. She isn’t truly into him either so for her it’s less hassle and more fun as far as she is concerned.

She Doesn’t Value Herself As More Than A Side Chick

Low self-esteem can drive people to deal with a lot less than what they deserve and in this case accept the role of being a side chick. She may have bought into the lie that she can’t do better than this man. That she should appreciate the left over scraps that he feeds her rather than embrace that she deserves receiving a full meal of a man. Maybe she started off not knowing and after it was revealed she found it hard to walk away. Knowing and embracing her worth would help her find the strength to not accept this situation that she knows she is not happy with. This woman should not let that man set her value. She has to realize she is worth much more than this.

Lack of Available Men Excuse Accepted

This is one that you hear from many professional or young women in the community. They say there are not enough men to go around. Once you reach a certain age or stature in your life, then the dating pool dries up and there are nothing but married men left.Garbage. I don’t buy that, , yet this excuse is widely spread and accepted in the community as valid. Stop it!

The Reason: It’s Innocent

Most times, it starts with just a flirty friendship. Both parties know where it will go but despite better judgement, they go forward. Innocent “friendships” and hang-out sessions rapidly snowball into an affair. The side-chick will say she meant no harm. Thus: “It just happened.” Well to me you as good as a hooker who got a loyal customer because once the spark goes off the post remains vacant for new stock.

To conclude, these are just a few common reasons as to why women choose to be mistresses and although they achieve their goals, they do no justice in expressing the genuine creativity in women – a trait that makes them invaluable. No woman deserves to be an option and be discarded when they are of no use. They should understand that the temporary benefits gained from trading themselves are of no benefit and often come at the expense of being condemned by the society.  By placing yourself as an option in a relationship, you are allowing the other person to exploit you, dump you and return to their wives, leaving you with an unnecessary deep scar. Why try to be his other one while you can be someone’s only one? Cut that relationship now and know your own worth!

Its pretty funny how men who have side chicks are celebrated?  The fact that men are not held accountable for their culpability in the destruction of their own relationships, and the onus is almost always and exclusively put on “the other woman,” implies that men can’t help it, that they are biologically wired to be promiscuous . This makes it the responsibility of wives or main chicks to hold their man’s attention, and the responsibility of potential side chicks to resist their advances.  Men, in this dynamic, have no liability for their actions.  If they get caught they blame the side chick for seducing him from home. Either way men shall be a discussion of the next blog post.

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